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Keep them cumin' but please use capital letters in the appropriate place. If you want to give me a proper job, you can check out my site by clicking here. I'm available for funerals, weddings and barmitzvas. Cheers W.Elliit (Web Wizard) |
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WOW.WOW.WOW. Well I'll turn in my fridge!! Well web master, you've certainly done it this time. I love the look of your new web site and the graphics and animation are almost as good as mine. A top class job by W.Elliitt. But, I will be sending the boys round to knee-cap you as you have ripped off my logo. W.Disney (1901-1966) R.I.P. |
 Kate's Kitchen Kate (dont talk about kitchens thats dirty talk) Ambler finally lost patience with i.o.u.'s from I.D.S, M.F.I, and B&Q forced into a corner (in her kitchen) she finally agreed to a truce with the bruce "either he leaves the country or i'll friggin kill him" said the unrepentant Ms Ambler (32) . the bruce currently living in the Bahamas er the Balfour, was unavailable for comment, or money. the aga goes on... to be discontinued. our man in the kitchen, Gulliver Murray. |
 Me a grandad? correct! Retired retiring thespian Sir Ian Kennedy (74) got a bit of a shock last week when he heard the dull thud of a letter on his livingroom floor , not surprising since his livingroom's 23 feet from his front door, thinking it was a demand for his equity subscription renewal, Sir Ian (49) famous for his cameo role as hannibal mercer in "silence of the jambo's"3, was pleasantly surprised to find a package hand delivered from Houston, "we have a problem", Texas by transatlantic courier. Inside he found photographic images of the latest addition to the kennedy clan, Lara Croft junior. Various poses feature young Lara at 15 seconds, 15 months and 15 stone (thats McDonalds for you). Sir Ian is said to be over the moon and is anxiously awaiting his lifetime achievement award at the forthcoming Oscars. from our resident film buff and lifelong sSr Ian fan. Tuppence o'Hoy |
 DERBY DOM'S DELIGHT Following Dizzy's famous derby victory over Pilrig new boys City Limits, the lovely Sharon came up with an intriguing nouvelle cuisine mix for the post match scran, ham butties, chips and prawn crackers! The inevitable question on everybody's lips of course was "who ate the corned beef" When captain wee Robert "Robbie two sticks" bad Robbo Robertson announced that next weeks fixture was away to the Strathie, the shapely Sharon streaked into action (pause for corr!) and organised the transport, a strategically placed stretch limo will now ensure that punters and supporters can negotiate the potentially hazardous journey without the need for umbrella's or cosmetic airbrushing at the other end and all without even turning the engine over. from our dominoes correspondent "snake eyes o hoy LATE FLASH Shortly after the derby debacle (why cant we beat them in the cup) police were alerted, by a concerned citizen to a peculiar convoy making its way up Buchanon street, involving two wheelchairs, two walking sticks, and a very confused barman, however all turned out well when said barman came back and won the flyer! |
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HaDeKaBi@aol.com wrote: (A well wisher from Jormany) MISSING HOME This web page just reeks of Trev. (A) Ta! Hope all's well back in the windy city, God I could do with a good cold guinness now. (A) Alls well here after another weekend of shere nonsence. A pint sounds good anytime of the day or night! How often do you update the site? (A) Theres always a couple of things to "stick up", so just call back on a regular basis. How did you find out about it? Tell Shaz i miss the way she pulls them pumps. Keep going with the page ur keeping a young boy smilling. (A) Nothing like seeing a "young boy" smile :) Liked frenchy, do ya think i could get a smell of her lilly? If not the flowers will do. (A) I'll see what I can do. I'm going to "put up" some more pix of her in the same costume real soon. All the best to the drunkest bar in town. Sean from germany. (A) Am I talking to Sean who used to stay with Ann? and if so what the hell are you doing in Germany of all places. Keep in touch mate W. Elliit |
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DEAR WEB MASTER, Sorry to here the rip off about "The Out to Lunch" cd's, you must not inform Orlando about this as he may want to return early with the sheila bird, but it looks like the Leith Poleeth have got some task on their hands, the so called grey`s are not easy to catch, if this is the gang that ripped them off. as an x Poleeth man my self i have to say i was the man to bring the great train robbers in, but this task is not so easy. To have any chance of getting this gang, traps have to be laid. May i suggest, put out some Des O`Conner albums for bait, and when they return them hey presto it`s over, job done. Remember the game that got the train robbers? hope this helps. P C DICKSON OF DOCK GREEN. |
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dear webmaster, I was lucky enough to see the ramraiders in action and I can tell you they were not all grey, one was definitly ginger and could run faster than the rest and yes, they did run along Iona street where they dissapeared a minute later yours faithfully a well wisher |
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i hate you & i hate your bar & frankly i dont find your website funny in the slightest,in fact you need a great deal o'help,
yours impolitely,an unwell-wisher,now **** OFF
(A) Juthst a word from the web mathter, Justht thought that I wouuld take the time to converth with you about the fact that I think that itth time that people like you got a real job and didn't bothther folk like me who were there for the good of ththyity. I've heard about people like you who thwart everything that good living thitizens thand for. Glad you didnt like the web thite. If it was that bad you can by me a pint of chyder nextht time you thee mee. thanxth alot for your contributhions The web mathter. PS. Love to Thonyia.............................. |
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Dear Webmaster,
I was delighted to find my old singing partners are still alive and kicking. Gus, Joe and myself topped the bill many a time when we went overseas to entertain the troops. I can still hear Gus saying to the black market chaps, "HOW MUCH FOR A TIN OF CORNED BEEEEEF?" He usually ended up with six tins for the price of one and we ate like kings for a week. The recipes that man had up his sleeve was nobodys business. Corned beef hash, (not the kind you youngsters smoke nowadays),corned beef bread and butter pudding, and on one particular night when Joe had managed to procure 3 bottles of Babycham, we had corned beef roly poly, we would'nt have called the king our cousin. Such a feast did we had.
love and kisses boys
your friend Vera
(A) Dear Vera, Why the **** are all those goddam rooks flying all over your emails? I expected blue birds over the white cliffs of Dover and may I add it took me ages to wipe the bird shite off my hard drive. If it is not sorted I will have to report you to the (SSPT) Scottish Society for the Protection of Technology. Just get a bloody grip woman and buy a cat. That will sort out your problem. I hear you ask, "so whats a pussy between friends?" Welliitt. (Cu in the baar!) |
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Saturday 22nd February. 12.15hrs Preparation started early for a 21st birthday bash, when one customer fell over a dod of chewing gum and another stuck "evo-stick fashion" to the red brick lino. Shapely Sharon took control. ("We don't want the birthday girl complaining") and soon it was all hands to the pumps. Martin the Mop was dispatched tothe broom cupboard and came up with the necessaries while the kettle was being boiled. With a spot of bleach, a gallon of elbow grease and some unexpected assistance from a gang of overnight clubbers, the transformation was complete...Cinderella will go to the ball! (Thanks to Sharon, Martin the Mop and the annonymous clubbers) Our man at the scene: Gulliver Murphy. |
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to the web master, there are so many things i could suggest to do with corned beef, (can) you remember the out break of the stuff, no one would eat it, well they done lot`s of things with it then, who are the two old blokes, looks like they are suffering from typhoid, yes the out break is back, I suggest you put it on nice sandwiches for visiting games teams, that way we just might just get a win, then the team can all sing "Don`t cry for me Argentina," just as a victory song only, keep out of the black, and keep in the red, you get nothing in this game for two in a bed. The prize board at dizzies tonight, in 1, a tin of corned beef, in 2, 2 tins of corned beef, in 3, 3 tins of corned beef, but the star prize tonight is a trip to the hospital, (yes lovely corned beef) yours MR. GETITFROM TESCO (A) Thank you for your suggestions of things to do with corned beef, I'm sure the visiting teams will really appreciate a good sarny, and may I add it will make a pleasant change from the Scotch Pies! The 2 pensioners in the picture are top hip-hop duo "Gus & Joe". You may remember them when they featured on the album "Vera Lynn does hip-hop, (feat Getdown Gus and Jazzy Joe) circa 1948". I am informed that the album is still available on black-wax tube. |
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Sidney BOUCHER wrote: | THANKS FOR YOUR REPLY WEB BASTARD, IT`S NICE FOR SUCH CONCERN, HOW MANY HOURS DO YOUR STAFF WORK, CAN THEY GO ANY FASTER, LIKE THE SPEED OF LIGHT. Well concerned Mr Boucher of Edinburgh, we work as fast as our poor little fingers can go. Between pandering to Orlando's needs and doing a bit of social lubrication in Dizzies Lounge Bar(Copyright), we're doing our best. Be patient. IS ORLANDO`S TEETH REALY THAT SHINY ONE SEEMS TO GLOW Cocaine addiction as a boy made him loose his front left tooth. Fortunatly he had it replaced with one made out of Plutonium. But all will be revealed in the "Newsletter" soon to be released as a link from Dizzies Lounge Bar(Copyright) web site. You'll eventually be able to find out about your favourite karaoke star at "gypsytwat.tripod.com". MY CARD NO IS 999 666 007 NAME IS MR NO CHANCE 13 UNLUCKY STREET DARTMOORE. Your details have been logged!!!!! WHAT WAS IN SIDS CAKE? Fuck knows but it should have been stronger. AND DID HE TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE? Unfortunatly not yet, but were working on it. WHAT A WEB SITE ,IT`S BETTER THAN CORRIE ST Why thank you kind sir. YOU DO NOT MENTION WHEN YOUR NEWS LETTER WILL APPEAR, HOPE IT`S SOON? Real soon W.Elliitt NICE NAME ARE YOU A GIRL? Wot ever you want me to be. WHO IS THE YOUNG BOY. NO NOT THE WEB MASTER. You got it in one. Cheers sad bastard, get a life, but DO keep in touch W.Elliitt (Web Wizard) |
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Dear Mr Dizzy web Person, My sister Leila contacted myself recently regarding your quaint little website & bar, so good to see Roberto doing some legitimate work..... Dave & myself often enjoy a good day in the country & were wondering if you had any children's facilities in the bar as Brooklyn & baby romeo can be Quite a handful. It's lovely to see that you have a karaoke at the weekend as I used to sing a little when I was younger, Dave prefers to sing away with the lads. I have also heard of your proposed transvestite football team, I mentioned it to my husband as he rather au-fait with wearing my underwear & is very keen on signing up though he does play for another weekend team in Manchester. I shall look forward to seeing your updates in the future & have told a few friends about your site, toodle-pip. Vicky B (nee Adams) Dear Vicky, It would be lovely to see you and the family, but we would prefer if you didn't "sing" as the neighbours are really sensetive. As for childrens facilities, they are available. There are several coat hooks in the lounge and gaffa tape can be obtained behind the bar. We hope to get the transvestite football team up and running in time for the next season. We are still in the process of signing major names to the team, but if "Golden Bollocks" is interested, I'm sure we can find a place for him on the subs bench. Tell him to get in touch. Okally-dokally, see you here. Web Master. |
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dear webmaster i want to know where to bye the movies of Roberto. Why he is called the snake .Us pensioners have been waiting a long time for a young buck like him we all stand at the end of the bar just drooling the only complaint we have is he is getting dishwater hands we think he should be supplied with hand cream and marigolds. The best bit about Roberto is his hands I've even started taking lemonade in my whisky just to feel those lovely strong firm hands giving me my change can you tell me what shifts he works because i would'nt like to miss the chance of seeing him and can you tell me what his favourite colour is and i will get my hair rinsed that colour yours faithfully agnes the barfly kisses for Roberto (A) I think you certainly do have the hots for this guy, or is it the hot flushes? As far as his shifts are concerned, you will have to ask the lovely landlady, Sharon next time you are in. She does the dizzy-rotas. As far as Roberto's hands are concerned, well, don't you like it a bit ruff, if you were ever to get a shot on him? And for his favourite colour, I know for definite, that he prefers "Menopausal Mauve". Best of luck in your persiut for young blood. |
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dear webmaster is there a rodent fan club if there is i would love to join it . those ears are just so cute they remind me of my own somehow yours forever roger rabbit (A) Shaz haz a weekly Tuesday meeting for her fans in the back bar, but come early to avoid disappointmet, 7.30 sharp. |
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Dear webmaster, I must say how I enjoy your new, french bird`s page, but I do think you should have called it french letter, that part I can understand. I see she is wrapped in cling film,is this to keep her fresh? does she use an under arm spray,if so what type,is it (aw day cologne) or where didyagetit oot o ( boots). Anyway her french is good,so is the story line, I like the bit when she mentions the piss heads she palls aboot wa,they must be some crowd, get her a pint o diesel on me and a set o jump leads, just to get her going until the next letter. Keep up the good work. from the watchdog. |
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Lillian wrote Hi Web Master: Why did u not put byorh on the site to go with my dodgy cardigan ha ha ha Reply Wot the hell is a "byorh"? Lillian replied The letters stand for "bring your own rasta hat" to go with the dodgy cardigan that my mother-in-law knitted. The pattern is curtesy of the Peoples Friend i think because no self respecting knitter would go out and buy that ha ha ha. Going to look for a better photo though dont think I will find one reckon I'll just have to stay like Doris Karloff |
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Linda Blair wrote. The Spooks Night, last night was a wonderful success again. That Tarow Lady surely knows her stuff. It was like a scene out of my movie "The Exorcist"!!! Green smoke, vomit and pensioners heads spinning 360 degrees. Fabulous, can you tell me when the next meeting is and I'll bring some of my Hollywood chums. (A) Nothing has been arranged as yet, but keep checking the web site for details. |
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Miss L. Adams wrote... Dear webmaster, May I congratulate you on a wonderful website & hope to see more changes soon. I felt that I had to write in as I also have some photos of Dizzies new barman from a few years ago though he was known then as 'Roberto the Snake'. They were very artistic & have several copies if anyone wants one. He also did a short film while in London as a teenager which can also be bought form www.slutcam.com. Let's see more from 'the Snake', Mmmm... (A) I thought that I recognised him, wasn't he also in "Debbie does Dallas" or was it "Doogie does the Dallas Cowboys",? I cant remember!!!!! Anyway if you like the site, introduce your self next time you are in the world famous lounge bar and buy me a pint. It's cider by the way. Cheers (hic!!) |
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Doris Karloff wrote: dear webmaster How did you manage to get such a good photo of one of the spooks fading in and out? There are programmes on channel 4 that have been trying for years to capture a spook on camera. I bet they will be really jealous of you also i think you should contact the discovery channel. I bet they would pay a fortune, at least enough to keep you in cider for a night what a huge amount of money that would be.... well heres spooking at you kid. |